This week America experienced tremendous challenges and pain.  These difficult times can either melt us into more compassionate people or mold us into people full of anger.

Blessed Pope John Paul II was shot in an act of terror.  However, this horrible act did not harden his heart, but softened it into a more compassionate one. He even went to the prison to give forgiveness to the man who tried to kill him.

In the midst of the pain, suffering, confusion and sadness, I’ve heard many different people giving some very good advice to help us get through it all.  One piece of advice I heard was to look for the heroes, the helpers and the hurting.   In other words, we can sometimes be trapped by our own fear, pain, confusion and sadness.  And while we have to pay attention to our own feelings – especially negative ones – we can’t dwell on them.  We also need to pay attention to the big picture.

Angel pointing to the “Stations of the Cross” in Lourdes France.

Looking at the big picture helps us to see the inspiring efforts of heroic people and gain encouragement from their selflessness.  These examples can warm our hearts, melting away rough edges and brokenness.

This is the procession of the sick which is held each night to ask for special blessings. Every evening, thousands of selfless volunteers help the sick and other people who have very difficult and challenging conditions.

By looking at the bigger picture, we also see how these challenges can either mold us into better people with softer and more loving hearts, or hardened hearted people who seek revenge and destruction – like these terrorists.  The environments in which we live have that molding effect.  We therefore have to make sure we put ourselves in good places and with good people who can mold our hearts into something good.

In the artist’s hands, seemingly useless sand can be formed and molded into beautiful and hopeful works of art.

What better way to describe this reality than through food! Take, for example, a hard cheese like parmesan as an analogy of our own hearts.   When heated, it becomes soft, and less prone to being broken.  The melted cheese can also be made into something useful, beautiful and of course, delicious to feed the hungry when put over something curbed.

Parmesan cheese melting in a non-stick pan over medium heat, until the cheese begins to bubble and melt.

Like this cheese, our own hearts are vulnerable to being broken.  But the heat of challenging times, like hearing these tragic events, can actually create an opportunity to “soften” our hearts, melting away the edges, and making us more moldable.  These tragic events can either help us to experience more compassion or more hate – depending on who, or what, it is that molds our hearts.

Carefully place the softened and melted – not broken – cheese over a clean and not absorbing mold.

Hopefully you can see how challenging times melt us, but also shape us.  It may be a “cheesy” analogy, but it makes sense.   The scriptures tell us that we are like clay in God’s hands.  In faithful foodie language, it may be more like melted and molded goodness!

Once the cheese is molded and hardens, it can be used as an edible and decorative part of your meal.

In this case, the molded cheese cup is used to hold sweet onion and balsamic marinated cherry tomatoes.

Before getting into our Dinner Discussion for this week, we at Grace Before Meals want to extend our heartfelt joy for our new Holy Father, Pope Francis I!

Pope Francis I, on the balcony of St. Peter’s Basilica during his first address as our Holy Father.

Pope Francis I, We promise to remember you every time we gather around the Lord’s Table, and to keep your intentions in our prayers.

God our Father, Shepherd and Guide, look with love on Pope Francis I Your servant, the pastor of Your Church.
May his word and example inspire and guide the Church, and may he, and all those entrusted to his care, come to the joy of everlasting life.
Grant this through our Lord Jesus Christ, Your Son, Who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever.

Amen. 

________________________

Now, for this week’s Dinner Discussion I would like to share some of my Lenten experiences.  It’s been a pretty good Lent for me so far.  I’ve been keeping up with most of my Lenten observance, but at the same time, keeping quite busy giving missions and spiritual retreats.

Realistic Crucifix from St. Daniel’s Church in Phoenix, AZ, commissioned by the pastor there and good friend of mine, Fr. Thaddeus McGuire. Notice the sign on the cross doesn’t say “INRI,” but “Jesus Christ King of the Jews” written out in different languages.

This season has been a fantastic opportunity to share our Grace Before Meals message of faith, food, and family, in different parts of the country through the itinerant preaching of “Parish Missions.”  I’m grateful that we are “packing the house,” so to speak, with record crowds from all parts, seeking the message of faith.

Missions are a necessary way to communicate the good news to all parts of the world.  While the traditional understanding has been to go to different countries and evangelize people of different religions, many priests are finding it necessary to proactively spread the Christian message to people in our own countries – even in our own parishes or local communities.

One of the many young folks that came to the mission at St. Timothy Catholic Church in Mesa.

While most people in America have heard of Jesus Christ many people do not know him well, evidenced by many surveys that speak about a great misunderstanding of the Church’s role.  Church, for many people, is not always a good experience.  People are bored, upset about various news stories of their priests or community, or confused about some Church doctrine.  They may not feel at home in a certain community or may be at a point of even questioning God.

St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome.

That’s why parish missions are so important. They provide unique perspectives, different voices, and deeper experiences of prayer, teaching, and community.  We are proud to say this happens when people from our parish go out on missions!  We give parishes an opportunity to celebrate, pray, laugh, learn, and in some cases even eat some gourmet goodness together!

I wasn’t serving food, but feeding souls at the Women’s Conference in Columbus, Ohio.

Giving missions is hard work.  Committees have to plan in advance, and preparations must be made in order to make sure that people in parishes are not only aware of the mission, but that they are going to come.  At my missions, I tell people to bring family, friends, and even non-Catholics.  I don’t want the mission to be me preaching to the “choir” but to people from all walks of life. After all, a “missionary” is someone who is “sent” to all parts to give an invitation to the banquet of the King (Matthew 22:2).

We still have a few weeks of Lent.  If you have never been to a parish mission, or if you are in a parish that needs some revival, renewal, and an experience to deepen your faith, I encourage you to speak with your pastor about bringing in a mission preacher.  While many people ask for missions during the Lenten or Advent Season, I also encourage it during the Easter and Christmas seasons, or during “ordinary time.”  During less festive seasons, mission work gives parishes something to do that is often times lacking:  CELEBRATE!

Minor Seminarians from Lincoln Nebraska that came to an event in McCool Junction.

Sure, we need to pray together, endure the Lenten pilgrimage together, but I certainly believe that the best way to respond to all of the “bad news” is to celebrate our faith, enjoy each other’s company, and feast as a family.  That may be one of the more unique approaches to my parish missions.  I encourage people to laugh, express their joy, and use this to combat all of the negativity in the world.  I’m certainly no stand-up comedian, but we do have some rip roaring laughs.  The cliché is worth repeating, “there’s nothing more funny than the truth!”

The Smile of Baby Grace Hansbrough, my project manager’s beautiful daughter at an event in DC.

As God looks at our Lenten experience, the unique time of our church’s history with the conclave, and hears the cries of the poor; I pray that we will be able to experience God’s Good News sent to all parts of the world – most importantly, sent to your heart and soul.

To learn more about the Grace Before Meals missions, the combined cooking demonstration and inspirational theological message, and to join the fun of our movement, simply contact us.

Let us Pray:

Father in Heaven, in this holy season, we ask for the grace to hear Your word as it really is – GOOD NEWS!  May all of our family, friends and fellow parishioners know that You walk with our Church in Her pilgrim way, but also – and most importantly – You walk with us each day, providing us the nourishment through the Eucharist and in Your Holy Word to guide us safely to the banquet of Heaven.  We pray for missionaries and the “mission” of Grace Before Meals and all of those served by this apostolate.  Through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Fr. O’Keefe, Pastor of St. Alphonsus Parish in Zionsville, Indianapolis, with Kimberly, the parish’s Director of Faith Formation.

(At the Raven’s Stadium for Fund Raising Event 2011)

While John’s team won, the Harbaugh Family is the true winner.  The intense pressures of raising a family are magnified by competition.  To have two sons compete for the title of Super Bowl World Championship and stay brotherly is a miraculous accomplishment of great parenting and a strong family.

In the culinary world, I remember a similar competition between the two Voltaggio Brothers for the title of Top Chef.  I was fortunately invited to the screening party for the final episode.  And while Bryan Voltaggio didn’t win, I sensed in him a feeling of victory as his brother Michael claimed the prize.

(Top Chef runner-up, Bryan Voltaggio at his after-party.)

The Voltaggio mother was credited by both sons as the reason for their skill and drive.  They saw in her a good example and both wanted to do her proud – no doubt this is the same motivation for the two Harbaugh brothers.  Their accomplishments are a testament to the drive, discipline, determination, and the equal love Mr. and Mrs. Harbaugh have for both of their sons.       

While raising a family is difficult, relationships can get more complicated if and when a child feels like they are not loved “as much” as a sibling.  Sibling rivalry is bound to happen at some level of family life.  Consider Jacob and Esau’s sense of competition, or the rivalry amongst the disciples, as seen in Mathew 18:1 when they asked who would be the “greatest” in Heaven.  But a rivalry doesn’t have to ruin a family.

There may be days when one sibling acts more lovable than the other, but parents have a great responsibility to raise each child with the same amount of love – even if it requires that one child occasionally gets a little more attention (or discipline) than the other.

(Some of my nieces and nephews. While they certainly compete, they also do what they can to build each other up.)

Even though I joke around that my parents love me best (I’m the priest for goodness sake haha), I know my parents love all their children equally.  Similar to how God treats His children, parents have to see each child as an individual, recognizing different temperaments while making sure there are concrete signs of equal love to each child in the family.

(One of my many family gatherings.)

Here are some tips to help parents that may have to deal with competitive kids:

1. Pray for each one of them with an individual prayer.
2. Create a list of each of your children’s strengths and weaknesses in character.  This will help you and your spouse determine discipline and praise for that specific child.
3. Try not to compare one child with the other.  For example, it is less helpful to say “You should be more like your brother or sister.”  That kind of language can be discouraging, as each child is different.  Instead say things like, “how can you behave better so that I don’t get as angry with you?”  Or, “what actions can you take so that you get into less trouble?”  This will respect their individuality and help them to be their best version of themselves.
4. Make equal time for one-on-one relationship building opportunities. In other words, while it’s important for the family to do things together, I see wisdom in a parent spending equal quality time with each child.
5. Encourage your children to share good qualities about their siblings on a regular basis.  Whether it’s during Grace Before Meals or in private conversations, it’s important for families to be proactive in encouraging one another.

Raising a family is hard. It gets even more complicated when the children become competitive.  Disordered competitiveness breeds jealousy, unhealthy rivalry, and can tear the family apart. Parents will sometimes need some life coaching to help them get through unique difficult situations, but it is important to remember that children are not only competing with one another, but they’re also competing for the greatest victory of all:  your love for them.

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