“From the Feedbag” will be a weekly Grace Before Meals e- Blast that answers questions or responds to comments subscribers send to us. As our movement continues to grow, we want to make sure you have a voice. We will sincerely try to answer every question or respond to every comment, even if it may take a little time. Thank you for your past contributions. We value your input and ideas. So keep sending us your questions, sharing your comments, and being blessings to our movement. E-mail at assistant@gracebeforemeals.com.

<SPECIAL NOTE: We would like to apologize to everyone who has not been receiving any content in their eBlasts. Please bear with us as we seek to fix and adjust all technical difficulties. If you did not receive a newsletter the past two weeks,  check them out as posted on our blog. Once again, we are sorry for any problems, but the Lord will guide us on our way. Thank you.>

Last month’s letter:
Thank you for all the encouraging responses I received after I posted the e-mail exchange between Critic “J” and myself. I posted that exchange not to get sympathy, but to help people realize the importance of our movement and to make sure people continue to help spread the Grace Before Meals message to family, friends, and parishioners.

(Some parishioners taking a tour and stroll in a piazza in Assisi, Italy. If you’re interested in coming on any of our tours this year, contact Diana George (dgeorge@ctscentral.net) at Corporate Travel Service 1-800-727-1999 ex. 180)

Please consider asking your pastor to put an announcement about Grace Before Meals in your church bulletin. Our movement is truly Good News and church’s are also always seeking ways to evangelize their parishioners.

Here’s a suggested bulletin announcement.

“Families looking for simple, fun, and inspiring ways to strengthen your relationship the way Jesus did – around the dinner table – can subscribe for free weekly messages that will bring God’s blessing to your table with delicious meals and dinner discussions. More importantly, this will help bring the blessings of family and friends around your table. Sign up for complimentary subscriptions at www.gracebeforemeals.com.”

(Meet Yohann, a “fan” I met in Costa Rica. He manages a fruit smoothie shop along the coast.)

This Week’s Topics: Extended Family and Stepchildren

This week, I wanted to share some e-mails and my responses about family situations that deal with extended families and stepchildren. Family life is never perfect and sometimes it’s best to get another perspective, even a priest’s perspective.

Father Leo,

My 12 year-old granddaughter came to our house last week with a new hairdo. She’s had beautiful naturally curly brown blond hair since she was born. Now she came home with straight dark blackish brown. When she asked me, “how do I look”, I told her that she was crazy. Her mother said that she paid a lot of money for that hairdo. Now everyone is mad at me. In a few days we are going to go out to eat, but there will be a lot of tension How do I handle this?

Signed,
“Surprised Grandmother”

(Grandparents with the grandkids, July 11, 2010)

Dear “Surprised,”
I realized you were probably very surprised to see your granddaughter’s beautifully light brown and naturally curly hair changed to dark and straight. You probably went a little far in saying“You’re crazy,” but it’s hard to control our words when we’re surprised.
To answer your immediate question, the first thing to do is to apologize to your granddaughter and her mother. Here’s a way you can say it:

“I’m so sorry I said you were ‘crazy.’ I always thought you were so beautiful just the way you are, and so I was just surprised to see you with such a different look. I will always think you are beautiful. I just believe that a natural look is so much better. I’m sure this more popular hairstyle will never change who you really are, and I hope that my ’badly spoken reaction and comment ‘ doesn’t make you think I don’t love you as my granddaughter. You will always be a beautiful gift from God.”

Hopefully this apology can help mend relationships, but there are important lessons in this exchange for everyone.

Parents with young children: please try and remind your children of their inner beauty as God’s child, before you encourage dramatic changes in their physical appearance – hairstyle, fashions, piercings, and tattoos. Also, give some advance notice before presenting the new look for your kids to family, especially to an older generation. Grandparents and older folks may not handle surprises as well as they used to.
Grandparents and seniors : Be patient with the different styles and fashions of your grandchildren or younger nieces and nephews. Generation gaps can really create problems for the family, especially if our opinions are poorly communicated. Don’t be quick to judge. If surprised by something, say so before making a “moral” judgment. Be quick to encourage the parents to do the right thing for their kids before judging the children – who are more sensitive to criticism than a mature adult. After all, grandchildren are not your children, and it’s more your role to be a loving presence and comfort if children and parents disagree. St. Ann and St. Joachim, Jesus’ grandparents aren’t even mentioned in the Scripture, but we recognize them as saints. I know my grandmother’s role was never to be another parent. But grandparents can be a prayerful presence so that parents do the right thing!

(Creepy but “stylish” mannequin)

Hi father,

My fiancée and I overheard a conversation that her 14- year- old son had with his girlfriend. He was very lewd, bragged about selling drugs, and was totally obnoxious. We thought he might just be bragging, but there were many details about selling, etc. that made me think he’s telling the truth.

His girlfriend is a nice Catholic girl.

I want to call the father and forbid this boy (my soon to be stepson) from ever talking to her. I want to involve the police to see if he is actually selling. I asked a priest here who is a police chaplain and he said to call the police and let them sort it out. My fiancée does not want him to have a record. I cannot believe she has not acted yet.

What are your thoughts?

Signed,
“Soon to be Step-Dad”

(St. Joseph, the model of a saintly stepfather)

Dear “Soon to be Step-Dad,”

Regarding your question: This is a very complicated situation, because it involves unsubstantiated facts andpeople you know and love, as well as people you don’t know, like this girl and her family. It also involves the law.

First: You will want to make sure you and your fiancée are on the EXACT same page before you can really make any decisions about this situation. This won’t be easy, but you may be trying to deal with a symptom of a problem that will grow and make your marriage very difficult, namely, the rites and responsibilities of raising stepchildren.

Second: Your parish priest is correct. If you have first-hand knowledge of a crime, that must be reported. Feelings aside, getting the proper law enforcement involved can be the very thing that helps this young man. If anything, the police will question and investigate. If they find anything problematic, this young man will have to answer for his alleged criminal (or at least juvenile) activity.

Third: Your fiancée’s concern about a criminal record is a very personal one for her, I’m sure. By not intervening or confronting this situation, she may be causing more grave harm to her son and her son’s acquaintances, and particularly this young girl. You need to have a long talk with her, assuring her that your love for her is extended to her son, as your future stepson.

Fourth: I wouldn’t call this girl’s parents without first getting the facts from this young man. If she’s a really “good Catholic,” she should know better and her parents should be involved de facto. You could be opening a whole can of worms by involving other people you don’t even know about a situation that you may not have full and accurate knowledge about. But it’s always a good thing for parents of kids who are dating to get to know each other as that can help keep the relationship on the up and up.

Ultimately, your responsibility is to engage in conversation with your fiancée and your future stepson. Don’t do it as a sheriff, but as a faithful loving male presence, something this young man probably has never had.

Prior to your conversation with your future family, you need to have a sincere conversation with God . If not well resolved, this situation can lead to problems that will negatively affect any future happiness. If God is calling you to be the husband and father to these people, He will give you Grace and guidance to do the right thing, as the future spiritual head of this household.

(Poster of one of my favorite family quotes in the Italian Language. The translation is: The greatest gift a father can give his children is to love their mother!)

What do you think these people ought to do? Do you have any comments about my responses and suggestions? Your comments will certainly help our community become better versed at handling problems. Post your comments below.

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