This “From the Feedbag” was sent to me by way of a tweet!  It’s amazing how this one tweet has helped me focus on one important aspect of our Grace Before Meals movement.

My cool cousin Bernadette and foodie friend, Michael Rosen, from Toronto – tweeting during dinner! I allowed it because we were looking for a good restaurant nearby.

Now, take a look at this quote below from Rick Warren, Pastor and author of A Purpose Driven Life.

“Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle, you must fear them or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate.”

This little quote – so filled with truth – answers many of the questions I receive about family struggles. While people want to share family dinners and reconnect with friends over a meal, they worry about the arguments or heated discussions that will occur.  You’ve heard it before: don’t talk about politics, sports, or religion at the dinner table.

I say talk about IT ALL! But do it in a way that’s respectful, loving, and truly “through, with, and in Jesus Christ.”

Peacefulness can only happen when we are willing to love Jesus as Mary loves Him.

Remember, our movement encourages people to be “faithful” to the family dinner and to eat with good friends.  Nowhere do I promise that every family meal will be perfect or problem free!

Pastor Warren’s quote reminds us that while we will disagree, sometimes vehemently with a person’s decision of lifestyle, we need to thank God for the gift of the food and the opportunity to be together – even if we are struggling to be with each other. After all, if we don’t learn how to be together here on Earth, how can we spend all of eternity with each other in Heaven?

Grotto in Bohol, Philippines. My nephew Jared joined in prayer with the three children of Fatima.

 Over the years of helping to encourage our movement, I’ve eaten with so many people – the majority of whom agree with my Catholic Faith and my mission. However, there have been several dinners when I’ve eaten with people who completely disagree with me. For example, I sat at a table with a homosexual couple, an anti-Catholic, several self-proclaimed “liberal” politicians, and even an angry former priest.  These could have been bad times, but at the end of the day, there were a few principals that helped me to stay focused.

At an outdoor presentation in NYC 2010.

 

Below are some of these principals and observations that have helped me, following the spirit of Pastor Warren. While I’ve only listed 10, I’m sure there are many other wise tips to help keep the peace in our conversations – especially during heated dinner discussions!

(1) Focus on the mercy of Christ. Jesus broke bread with people from all walks of life and was able to show mercy and understanding to all he encountered.

(2) Separate the sin from the sinner. Do not judge people, but also don’t be afraid to observe and critically analyze their actions.  Unless someone is the incarnation of the devil, most people are good, made in the image and likeness of God, but also broken.  While their actions may be less helpful or even harmful, you can still love the person.

Image of Jesus extending a hand to the woman caught in adultery.

(3) Check your motivation before your speak.  If it’s anger – don’t say anything.  If it’s loving concern, say what you have to say lovingly.

(4) Understand the motivation of the person speaking to you.  Many times people say hateful things to me about the Church or priests, because they’ve been somehow hurt or offended by the actions of broken priests.  I have to be patient, listen to their pain, and only when they realize I’ve heard them and am listening to them (painful as it may be), they can (hopefully) listen to me, and maybe trust that what I’m saying isn’t said to hurt them.

(5) Be appropriate with language and setting.  Don’t make a scene anywhere. Try to keep the peace, and realize that communication is more than what you say – it’s also body language, timing, tone, facial expressions, etc., etc.

Paul Shaffer, from the “Late Show with David Letterman,” sharing a cup of coffee, a few songs, and great conversation on Sirius XM radio show.  Click here to listen to the song - even if it’s after the Christmas Season!

(6)  Apologize if necessary, and always be quick to forgive!

(7) Stay on topic. Establishing ground rules, like speaking about one or two topics, can help stop arguments from getting out of control. Also learn when to agree to disagree, or resume conversations at a different place and time.

(8)  Be confident and knowledgeable. I often find the most obnoxious and argumentative people are really just defending their own ignorance.  The more knowledgeable and skilled a person is on any contentious topic, the more calm and cool they are able to be.

Me being a dork but pretending to be confident – just for laughs!

(9) Know yourself!  Talk with someone you trust first to gauge your ability to talk about difficult subjects. It may be you need more communication skills and techniques.  The more you know about yourself, the less likely you’ll be caught off guard and forced to communicate poorly in challenging discussions.

(10) After every meal or discussion, thank God and each other for the opportunity to learn different perspectives and the opportunity to show the world we can still share a meal even if we disagree with each other.

There’s plenty to look forward to this weekend in Austin!

 

Church Picnics are the perfect recipe for GBMers: Faith, Family and Food!